Today’s Motivation – Real Talk with Chris- Segment Two - Bullying

Hello everyone. Today I am featuring segment two of “Real Talk with Chris” and the topic is one which he himself experienced while growing up. I was unaware of it until a few months ago when he sat with my sister and I and revealed some of the horrible experiences he was exposed to, which he hid from us so as not to worry us. It is my hope that some young person will read his post today and be inspired to put a stop to others who seek to humiliate and make them feel less of a person by speaking out. Always know that you were created for greatness. Take my son for example. Despite all his negative life experiences he has risen above his circumstances and continues striving to forgive and love people despite their shortcomings. It is my hope that this segment of “Real Talk with Chris” help inspire you today. Be blessed.

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“Bullying is for losers.”- Steve Harvey

The question of the day… Have you ever witnessed bullying, been bullied or bullied someone yourself?

Bullying can take many forms and have many effects. Some forms of bullying include cyber bullying especially now, as we live in a technological age and ‘old school’ verbal and physical bullying which are still very much practiced today. There are always two people involved in bullying, the bully and the bullied and they each have their story. Let us first explore the bully…

A bully comes in all shape and size and often bully because he is physically bigger than others. He bullies others because it is a learned behaviour as he may have been bullied by peers or family members. He is often misunderstood because he is considered to be a tormenter and is seen as always being mean. However, someone who is a bully is crying for help. Often he bullies others to get attention because in his mind he thinks if he hurt someone and get in trouble then his parents will pay attention to him.

Bullies also bully because they feel threatened. If someone is perceived by a bully as being smarter or better looking they tend to want to bring that person down to their level so the person can feel as bad as the bully does. Parents have a very important role to play in their children’s lives when it comes to shaping them as to who they should be in society. They should be aware that neglect and verbal abuse along with physical abuse can do a whole lot of damage to a child. This behaviour is learned and mimicked as the family is the primary source of a child’s learning.

Clearly then, the bully needs help. Let us now turn our attention to the bullied. This person can either be the victim or the healer, the choice has to be made by the bullied individual. However, it must first start at the home, where parents prepare their children for the world. This means parents are required to teach their children about who are bullies and how they should defend themselves from bullies. Parents should also teach their children how they should try to help the bully cope with whatever negative circumstances he may be experiencing. Although it is not the child’s job to ‘fix’ the bully, the odds are if bullies continue to bully into their late teen years, the parents never took interest in the child’s disruptive behaviour and a peer may be able to help. Someone who is being bullied can try to understand the bully by not taking any negative slurs said by the bully to them as a personal attack on them. Showing kindness to a bully can disarm him faster than stooping to his level of bad behaviour and cause him to find some peace.

I remember a friend saying her father told her to say “tell me something I don’t know” whenever any bully tried to verbally abuse her and she said this worked for her. You see parents are supposed to give their children the tools to defend themselves. I for one was bullied a lot in both primary and secondary school. I was not given any tools to defend myself so I had to learn them the hard way. When someone would tell me my ears were too big or I was too skinny or my head was shaped like an egg, or even beat me up because I was weaker than them I would have taken on all of it.

It wasn’t until later on in my mid-teens that I learned that bullies actually had no power and that they were just lashing out because they were probably jealous or going through something. Therefore when they would verbally abuse me I would say “thank you!” This always threw them off as they would probably wonder why something negative is received in a positive manner. After a while the verbal abuse ceased altogether and well, the physical abuse decreased as I got taller, (still skinny) but taller, and much louder.

See what we even as adults don’t realize is that there are bullies all around us. Bullies come in the form of your workmates or school acquaintances and sometimes even people you call friends and they do little things to disturb your spirit and passion for life. However, when they do this they do not expect to be greeted with positivity. There are times, however, when some aggression towards their negative behaviour must be meted out to inform them not to ever mess with you again, however, showing the bully kindness is always best as it will do something to him internally that no amount of aggression can. It will’eat them up inside’ and have them wondering why they treat people badly.

This is a message for the bullies of the world live through.… I hear you, I see you and I understand you. I will do my best to try and help you cope with the negative life you have had to live through. And for the bullied, I say your pain is real but please do not let that pain destroy you. Understand what is happening is not your fault and the person who is bullying you is crying out for help. Although you may be dealing with your own issues internally, I assure you that helping out a troubled person can, in turn, help you out with whatever issues you have. Be strong and keep giving and showing love.

Love is an element that can bind the world as one, where we can live in peace and prosperity. Although it may be difficult and seem sometimes as though giving love does not seem to work, I plead with you to keep at it, because practice does make love permanent. Until next time, bless.

- Christopher Best